just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
