I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
