I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
