dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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