Dude my mom stole all your condoms
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
