everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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