there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
