I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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