We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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