my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He passed out mid-signature
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
