I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
