Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize