Me too!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
