Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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