Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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