Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His nipple licking is glorious
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