You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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