her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
