I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.