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1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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