my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.