the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."