I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress