Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds