soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found puke in my bra..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
