I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
