Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
