I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
