I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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