The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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