why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
