I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
