I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
