i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
