just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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