oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
