its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
