what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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