I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
