My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
