Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
