Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE