So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.