32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home