It's like God shit irony all over that family
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen