Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
