ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
