I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
