this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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