i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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