He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
