can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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