mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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