Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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