I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
