He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
