You can't special order awesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize