He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
