I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
