my phone needs a breathalizer
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
