You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
