never play flip cup with pint glasses
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
