just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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