Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
