I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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