Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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