Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
