If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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