I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
