I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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