Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
