I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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