You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
