tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
