bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
