So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
