A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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